Why The Hell Am I Blogging Anyway?

It’s May. It’s Mental Health Awareness Month. It’s spring. It’s a beautiful time for introspection.

I woke up this morning with a strange blank feeling. I felt no emotion. No confidence. No sadness. Just being. How in the world does one rectify this when we’re told to constantly be “happy” and “confident” all of the time? My answer: you don’t.

We don’t talk about “feeling nothing” nearly enough. When you’re literally feeling no emotion, it’s not exactly the end of the world. In fact, it’s a great time to put your mind toward evaluating your perspectives – and that’s exactly when I’m about to do right now. I’m about to use this blog as a journal, and you’re getting a sneak peek.

I asked myself, why the hell am I blogging anyway? Here are my answers to that, as best as I can explain them.

  • I’m blogging for the underdog: I know we use the term “underdog” a lot, but to me this simply means that I’m blogging for the ones that aren’t “mainstream enough” for our society. I’m blogging for the ones who are completely okay with (or trying to be) making their own decisons regardless of outside influence. More importantly, I’m blogging for the ones that so desperately need a representative (that they aren’t seeing) while finding their own voice.
  • I’m blogging for women: Specifically, I want the women who are picked on for looking or behaving “differently” to find comfort in what I’m doing. As a third generation Italian-American from Pittsburgh, I was (and still sometimes am) picked on for my “goth” (dark hair and pale skin) look that was natural, my tiny stature, my love of metal, and my demonstrative and expressive nature. These things often made me a target in business, and in society. I cried about it. I wished I was a tall blue-eyed blonde instead. I squirmed at the thought of conforming, but did so (in my own ways) for survival. I wished people would just let me be me, but that wouldn’t happen until I allowed myself to be me and own those traits.
  • I’m blogging for the “hard” conversations: We need to have them sometimes, and that’s okay. Growing up in an Italian-American family, I’m well aware that we looked like we were screaming at each other when we really weren’t. We were just passionate, and having a “hard” conversation – but we felt so much better after having them, so I’ve never been afraid of them.
  • I’m blogging for change: It’s my hope that anyone reading or looking at what I’m doing will consider making changes in their own life if they need to. It’s funny, I had a boss constantly tell me that I was “so afraid of change.” I took that comment personally, until I realized that I’ve lived in five different states in my life, traveled the country, and interacted with folks from all walks of life – from farmers, to city-dwellers, and surbanites. I’m hoping to show that change isn’t that scary. I’d love for discussing mental health, celebrating the arts, and welcoming “new” aspects of life and ideas to be our “normal.”

Welcome. If you’re still here after reading this, thank you for joining me on this ride.

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